So I thought sharing this piece of me would hopefully get me
some candid advice without any form of bias… I dated a girl for the entirety of
our stay back in school (5years) and to be honest, it was an experience that
was filled with some of the best moments life could ever throw at me.
Anu (original name withheld) was the kind of girl a guy
would have and always feel he had hit a jackpot. If there was any other word
that would suffice more than beautiful, it would have better described her, as
she was a complete package for a regular campus dude. Beauty wasn’t just the
only attribute that made us blend and gelled for our period back in school, she
was also intelligent, financially independent, homely, lovely heart, got a
great dress-sense and a shape to always adore…. All these for one person? Yea,
that was Anu.
Fast forward to 2010 upon our graduation, we decided to go
separate ways. Some incidences contributed to that happening. Anu’s parents had
planned her furthering abroad even before we graduated and as such a week after
we left school, plans had already begun for her leaving for the States, that
was a step I didn’t see coming and had no answers to.
Insecurity and several allegations on cheating from her
especially after we graduated and saw less often also made me started
considering my options and go different ways. A bitter pill to swallow and hard
to admit but the truth is while all these were going on, I realized I was
already developing feelings for another…Cheat, ingrate……& so on are all names
which you can rightfully label me and I would not have to bat an eyelid and feel unjustified.
Not to bore you with the long story, I told Anu when she
eventually got to the States that I could not deal with the whole scenario
anymore; distance relationships, mistrust and constant allegations about
cheating were not my thing. As expected, tears followed, reminding of all the
promises and vows we made to ourselves, how much of our lives we had dedicated
to building ourselves up, how we have made it through thick and thin. Amongst
all these, not like I didn’t feel like the heartless one, not like the love was
not there no-more but it was out of respect to let go as I was unable to handle
what was fast-hitting me, and to continue seeing someone else closer was a simple
NO-NO!!.
We moved on with our lives, I rounded up my service year,
got a good job and met another lady during one of my transacting days in the
bank…. Let me say at this point that the lady I left Anu for was history, at
this point I was filled with regrets, not all seemed the way it portrayed
itself. I met this lady, Zoe, July 2013
and we became good buddies and chat mates. We usually swung by each other’s
offices either during lunch hours or at the close of work because we both
worked on the Island, a stone throw from each other.
Our friendship lasted a whole year and counting with little
or relatively no major quarrel or “bad blood”,
permit my grammar….Many assumed we were dating as we were both single,
almost inseparable and respected ourselves which pretty much kept us ticking
this whole time. I know most of you
reading this would have assumed some strings would have been attached or we
must have gotten down at some point or the other considering my history i.e.
cheating on Anu with a misfit…. But no, I had decided to take it slow and do
things the right way.
At around 11pm September 4 2014, i.e. Friday night, I
dropped Zoe off at home, we had hung out after work that same day. I knew I had
gotten to that point where I could not lie to myself anymore, I was already
deep in love with her and it was only right to let her know. I summed up
courage to voice out and the response I got was *Clears throat* not what I
feared….. She drew me closer and kissed me with these words……”I thought you
would never ask”…. Ladies &
gentlemen that was the beginning of a love so strong.
Earlier this year, I received a call on Saturday morning
around 7am from Zoe requesting I drive her to pick her cousin from the airport;
I was still sleepy though but in all fairness she had always talked about her
cousin who was once in love but got her heart broken and as such decided to
stay put in the States all to get healed and back to her feet again..
We got to the airport and waited at the arrival terminal;
the greatest shock I received was the fact that Anu my ex-lover back in school
was Zoe’s beloved and hurt cousin…You know those moments where you wish the
ground would open up to swallow you or you wish you were working on Microsoft
word and press “Control Z” to undo all that has so far been done… that was the
situation I found myself.
Anu smiled, hugged and pretended she was just meeting me for
the first time while we drove her to Zoe’s apartment. That was the longest
drive ever in my life, it was more like I was driving to a neighboring country
due to the distance which originally isn’t there but considering all you are
face with, it was what it was. I dropped them at home and gave excuses while I
had to jet-off and could not stay back which Zoe understood but Anu knew all about.
On getting home, my phone rang and it was Anu calling with
Zoe’s number to “thank me”, no one needs to tell me I was in for a serious mess
especially if Zoe realizes I am the evil guy that left her cousin heart-broken
and never told her about it or the fear of Anu bringing back memories.
Ever since Anu’s arrival, I have always received calls and
text messages from Anu reminding me of all the good times as well as suggesting
we have a fling while she lasts in Nigeria before going back. Truthfully, I am
really in love with Zoe but I feel this guilt of dumping Anu for another
considering I was her “first” and even learnt she has refused dating another
guy ever since we broke-up.
I feel like seeing her and talking to her alone, probably
catching up on old times, apologizing for all my wrongs and making her see
reasons she has to move on, my fears are:
I might end-up doing what I should not do, spark-up another sizzling
romance with her considering she is even looking hotter and better than what
she looked like years back, giving her the wrong impression…
The other option I have which is honestly difficult is to
open up to Zoe about everything which I risk losing her and her trust, but what
I fear more is her finding out herself considering the way and frequency Anu
has been calling and texting ever since she got back….
I am really in a dilemma, what should I do?
Source - LLB
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